“Oh, hey there, babe!
I saw you there, right?
Yeah, that’s you.
I thought I saw a man in a pair of pants with a dog on his chest, and I said, ‘Hey, that sounds like your boyfriend.’
He looked at me and said, “Are you serious?
I am serious.
You are a liar.
“I am serious, dude. “
You know what?” he said, his voice rising.
“I am serious, dude.
I just got out of a bar with my buddy.
He said, I just heard the bartender saying he was gonna take a picture with you and you told him, ‘I don’t want any pictures with you,’ and I told him ‘No.
No, I want pictures with my friends.’
He said ‘I know you’re a liar.
You’re not going to believe me.'”
[New York Magazine] “We have an issue in this town where we’re not supposed to be having fun.
If we’re having fun, we’re doing something wrong.
So we’re getting into trouble.
It’s a culture that wants us to be doing things wrong.
I mean, we can go out and be on our knees, drinking beer and smoking weed and hanging out in our backyard, but we don’t do that.”
[New Yorker] “I have no idea how it happened, but I did have the greatest night of my life, and you’re the only one who is the only person who can say I had the greatest fucking night of all time.”
[GQ] “You’re the one who can go on a date with me, but you’re still the one whose phone is ringing.”
[Daily Beast] “If we’re going to be drinking beer, we should probably be doing it outside.
It would be a lot less boring if we were all sitting around and drinking beer together.”
[Time Out New York] “There’s one thing that’s been on my mind the past three months: how to avoid eye rolls, and it has to do with the dumbest thing ever.”
[The Daily Beast]